Dating

Dating is fine if it serves the purpose of examining yourselves before the Lord with a clear goal. If you want to get to know each other intentionally to examine whether God wants to lead you into marriage, that can be a good path (which does not mean that there are no other ways).

If you would like to get to know each other better on that basis, then do so. But please do it properly. Here are a few pieces of advice again:

• Stay pure: It remains important, especially in this phase, that you preserve purity before marriage (Hebrews 13:4). Dating is always dangerous when it is predominantly emotional or creates physical attachment without being committed. Therefore, be careful about already exchanging affection in this phase. That can quickly become playing with fire. That is why it is better if you meet as much as possible somewhere in “public space” — in any case, not somewhere where no one can see you and you are completely alone.
• Be careful with emotional attachment: Keep in mind that emotional closeness (through words and actions) without commitment is not entirely without danger. The Song of Solomon warns three times not to awaken love before it pleases (Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4). Once the roller coaster of feelings has started, it will be difficult to make clear decisions. It then becomes hard to stop that roller coaster. Unnecessary emotional attachment creates a certain commitment — even without a ring. And that very easily leads to inner wounds if the path does not, after all, lead to marriage. Feelings are not a toy, but a matter of trust.
• Lack of commitment is not a lasting spiritual condition: You do not have to say “Yes” immediately, but a spoken “Yes” should remain a “Yes.” “But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’” (Matthew 5:37). Only say “Yes” when you also mean “Yes,” and not “Yes, maybe” or “Yes, we’ll see.” Clarity honors the Lord and protects hearts. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12).
• Have the courage to make a decision: The phase of getting to know each other through mutual exchange must not be “endless” and is also not a temporary friendship. Clarity should emerge, and then a decision should follow — either let go (and then also stop) or declare a binding intention, i.e., get engaged. Indecisiveness can unnecessarily hurt both sides. One who is double-minded is unstable in all his ways (read James 1:8). God does not lead us through vague gray zones. He wants us to take steps in faith.

Trusting the Lord

In all of this, it is important to trust the Lord. He brings hearts together, but does not release us from responsibility. In Proverbs 3:5–6 we read: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.” The Lord leads us, but we must also recognize his leading. He leads people who are ready to take responsibility. However, we do not do justice to this responsibility if we allow ourselves to be controlled by our feelings (which does not mean that feelings do not necessarily belong), but rather through prayer, through his word, through good counsel, and through peace in the heart (Colossians 3:15).

In closing

It remains true that the “way of a man with a young woman” is too wonderful for us to be able to explain it (read Proverbs 30:18–19). Whoever finds a spouse finds something good (Proverbs 18:22) and, at the same time, experiences that a sensible wife comes from the Lord (Proverbs 19:14). But the “how” will always be something that leaves us in awe before our Lord. I wish each of you — whom the Lord wants to lead into marriage — a “wonderful” and exciting path under his guidance.