Question: Engagement – What is the Point?

 

Answer:

Engagement? What is it actually, and what is it for? In the past, when everything was still so uptight, an engagement period was common - but today? If you understand each other, then you can live together. If it worksAnother word for deeds or actions. God's works are perfect (Gen 1:31), men's can be good works (Matt 5:16) or dead (Heb 6:1). On the basis of his works, unbelieving... More out, then it's good. Maybe you'll get married later. And if it doesn't work out, there are other attractive partners. Why should you tie yourself down in any way? It's far too risky. - This, or something similar, is what you might hear in the school playground or during a break at work. But what does the Bible say on this subject?

There are different views on the subject of engagement, even among committed Christians [1]. It is, therefore, all the more important that we carefully examine the thoughts of the Bible and act accordingly.

Engagement in the Bible

In Old Testament times, engagement was like the conclusion of a contract in which the man undertook to pay a marriage gift (Ex 22:15) and thus acquired a claim on the woman. An example of this is David, who was betrothed to Michal, Saul's daughter (cf. 2 Sam 3:14). This is no longer the case today. Nevertheless, engagement is still important and useful today as a marriage vow. Paul compares the relationship between the Lord Jesus and the believers in 2 Corinthians 11:2 with an engagement: "For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to ChristA title of the Lord Jesus, which is also used as an epithet; Messiah (Hebrew) and Christ (Greek) mean "anointed one". The title refers to the fact that Jesus is... More."

This makes some important points clear:

• "betrothed": an engagement is a God-ordained thing.
• "to present to ChristA title of the Lord Jesus, which is also used as an epithet; Messiah (Hebrew) and Christ (Greek) mean "anointed one". The title refers to the fact that Jesus is... More": It is a binding affair between a man and a woman and takes place with the aim of a lasting union (cf. Hos 2:21).
• "chaste": The engagement is not yet a marriage; the betrothed do not become intimate with each other during this time ("chaste" means "pure," also in the sexual sense)...
• "For": This union is associated with blessingA blessing is something good, in the Old Testament, usually associated with possessions, prosperity, and health, and is usually pronounced over someone. In principle, the lesser is blessed by the... More and especially with responsibility (Paul was eager for the Corinthians to devote themselves to the Lord).

The Bible also shows us an exemplary betrothed couple - Joseph and Mary. Their relationship was characterized by love because Joseph did not want to expose Mary publicly (Mt 1:19). It was characterized by the fear of God on both sides because both Joseph and Mary wanted to do God's will. And it was characterized by purity because Joseph was certain that Mary was not pregnant by him. We can still learn a lot from this inner attitude today.

Preparation for marriage

The engagement period is, in particular, a time of preparation for marriage. It begins with a binding marriage vow and ends on the day of the wedding.

Leaving father and mother

A marriage is characterized by the fact that the man has left his father and mother. This is a process that begins even before an engagement. The man must mature in order to stand "on his own two feet" materially, emotionally, mentally, and especially spiritually. He must be able to walk his path in communion with the Lord Jesus and take on responsibility. During the engagement period, this process continues, and the man learns to take responsibility not only for himself but also for his wife. The wife can be a great help to him in this by filling the place that God has given her.

Attachment – Clinging – to his Wife

Another important characteristic of a marriage is that the husband is attached to his wife. This close bond, which cannot be broken, is prepared during the engagement period. Even before the engagement, there will certainly already be affection and a first acquaintance. But both deepen during the engagement period: How does the partner think? How does he feel? What feelings does he have, and how does he show them? You get to know all of this bit by bit during the engagement period. This is important in order to be able to stay committed to each other.

The Woman prepares Herself

The engagement period is also important for the woman. She gets to know her husband and talks to him about various important topics. Together, they both ask about the will of the Lord Jesus for their path. In this way, the woman also prepares herself for her tasks in the marriage.

Men and Women are Different

The Creator God created man and woman differently. That was his wise and good intention. You get to know these differences more intensively in a committed relationship. During the engagement period, the man experiences how the woman thinks and feels differently in many ways. Conversely, the woman experiences the same. This is associated with some surprises! However, it is a great opportunity to gain initial experience during the engagement period. You will benefit from this in the early days of your marriage!

First Decisions Together

The step into the engagement was certainly associated with a lot of prayer. The man asked the Lord Jesus: Should I now ask this faithful woman if she wants to become my wife? The woman asked the Lord: Should I answer "yes" to this believing man? Everyone has prayed about these questions and decisions personally. But now the first decisions can be made together. There are many questions to be answered, and it is a great joy to talk and pray about these things together. In doing so, we will get to know each other and learn to appreciate our dependence on the Lord Jesus. This is a very important preparation for marriage!

First steps with the Lord

A very important point is to start praying together as engaged couples and reading the Bible together. This is how the first steps with the Lord Jesus can be taken. This connection in spiritual things, in walking together with the Lord Jesus, is the strongest bond between two people who have life from God. Walking together with the Lord - this is crucial for a happy Christian marriage, and this togetherness does not just begin at the registry office!

Engagement period - a waiting time

The engagement period is also a waiting period. Being engaged is not yet being married. There is an area of togetherness that God has reserved for marriage. This is the physical area, the sexual togetherness. As engaged couples, you will enjoy holding each other. You will kiss each other. But sexuality must not yet be lived out during the engagement period. Jacob was engaged for seven years. He served Rachel. But it was only after the wedding that a sexual union took place [2]. Joseph and Mary entered the marriage completely pure. And in 2 Corinthians 11, we find the chaste virgin in the time of engagement. So, the Bible is absolutely clear on this point, and there is great harm in not adhering to it. But those who can wait in communion with the Lord in this sense will be blessed throughout their marriage. That is why it is important to set boundaries during the engagement period that are based on the Bible and to exercise the necessary caution and restraint, for example, by limiting the times when you are alone together. Each engaged couple will find the right length of engagement time in their situation - not too short of having enough preparation time for the marriage, but also not too long so as not to make the waiting period unnecessarily difficult.

Engagement - a binding promise

Finally, let's remember once again that the engagement is a promise that should never be broken lightly. Nevertheless, it is not yet a marital union and, unlike marriage, can be broken off for serious reasons. This will always cause hurt and leave scars. But if it is very clear that a path together will not go well, then it is better to break off the engagement. Despite this possibility, it should be clear to both the man and the woman that the engagement is a binding promise with the declared aim of marrying each other.

 On the way to marriage, the engagement period is a happy and blessed time of preparation if the engaged couple experiences it in good fellowship with the Lord Jesus. It is not the most beautiful time for a couple. Thank God there is still the possibility of having a happy marriage today, which is even more beautiful than it can be during the engagement period. And that's where a well-used engagement can lead!

Summary

The engagement (period) is also and especially justified in the 21st century. It is something that is founded in the Bible and is still important today.

An engagement is not a non-binding reservation of a partner but a binding promise to marry each other (albeit without a binding character; see above).

The engagement period is very different from marriage and serves especially as preparation for it.

Footnotes:

[1] Sometimes, the term is simply associated with different meanings. For some, for example, the engagement period is only the final phase of a previously committed relationship.

[2] The fact that Jacob was betrayed by his father-in-law is a different matter and does not change anything.