The basic law of marriage

Marriage and the family are not a "product of capitalist society," as claimed by communism in the wake of Friederich Engels, or the result of a long process of civilization, but a form of cohabitation between man and woman instituted by God, the Creator, with the creation of the first human couple.

The Creator described his design for marriage as follows: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one fleshThe term "flesh" is used in different meanings in the Bible: a) as an expression of physicality or humanity, which is inextricably linked to our life on earth. Examples: “the... More.." (Gen 2:24) The Lord Jesus confirmed this principle once again in the New Testament: "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?" (Mt 19:4-5).

Have you not read ...?

Isn't that how we often feel? Should we buy a technical device, unpack it, and plug it in straight away? Only when something doesn't work do we look at the operating instructions. Not that we want to compare a technical device with the gift of marriage, but do you want to do the same with marriage? Start "somehow" first. It will work out. If there are problems, I can always look up what God had in mind for marriage. Then perhaps the Lord will have to ask you at some point: Have you not read ...? The Lord's blessingA blessing is something good, in the Old Testament, usually associated with possessions, prosperity, and health, and is usually pronounced over someone. In principle, the lesser is blessed by the... More rests on us asking from the outset: What does God's Word say about this? The verse quoted above is, so to speak, the divine "basic law of marriage." It is always worth taking a closer look at this verse.

Therefore ...

• God, the Creator, created man and woman differently - with different talents, abilities, and tasks. But man and woman belong together in God's eyes. "Therefore," it is also according to His thoughts when man and woman unite in marriage.

... a man shall...

• The principles in this verse naturally apply to both partners in the marriage. Still, the passage makes it clear that, according to God's thoughts, the initiative for marriage comes from the man. The expression that a young man "asks for the hand of a young woman" may seem a little romantic and old-fashioned to some, but the concept is nonetheless biblical.
• Then we are talking about a man and not a child or a teenager. Entering into a marriage according to God's thoughts does make demands on the maturity of those concerned and has prerequisites. It is not my intention to deal with all of this here. But some food for thought may be helpful.
• Are you mature enough to make a lifelong commitment to a marriage partner and take responsibility for each other?
• Can you (as a man) support a family?
• Do you (as a man) have spiritual convictions and a personal life of faith that enables you to provide for and lead your marriage and family spiritually?
• Have you (as a woman) lived a personal life of faith to be able to be a real help to your husband?
• Have you made a personal decision about which gathering of believers you want to go to - i.e., which church path so that you can also walk a common path in this matter?

... leave his father and mother ...

I want to call this the "public law aspect" of marriage. According to God's thoughts, marriage does not begin with the personal and private "yes-word" of the two people concerned but with a public marriage ceremony - in our countries before the registry office. This means that the spouses leave their previous family and begin their own marriage before God. Leaving, on the one hand, means letting go on the other.

As parents, we must be aware of this: Our children are entrusted to us, but not our property. When the Lord provides them with a spouse, we must and may let them go. Our responsibility remains to pray for our children and to be ready to give advice and help. However, adding a spark to the marriage can bring dangerous fuel into the young marriage and cause some problems. In a sense, this process already begins during the engagement period, even if parents still bear a certain amount of responsibility here.

How beautiful is the example of Rebekah: "Then they called Rebekah and said to her, "Will you go with this man?" And she said, "I will go." So they sent away Rebekah... And they blessed Rebekah." (Gen 24:58-60)

... and cling to his wife ...

This point has been called the heart of marriage before. Clinging is not a fleeting sympathy or a short-term infatuation, a surge of feelings, but the love that says an unconditional "yes" to the partner, accepting him or her as the one to whom all affection belongs. It is a decision of the will to share one's whole life with this person in a relationship like no other on this earth. This attachment sets in motion a lifelong process of learning and growth - with "the man/woman at my side." This process of getting to know each other will certainly begin in part during the engagement period. You will get to know each other better. The man will have to learn that a woman thinks and feels differently to a man - and vice versa. He will have to learn to understand emotions that are completely new to him. Through spiritual dialogue, you will get to know each other better and deepen your relationship. By reading the Bible and praying together during the engagement, but then also during the marriage, the spiritual community will grow. You will, perhaps only in marriage, discover qualities and character traits in your spouse that are foreign to you. Particularly distressing events, such as a serious illness or childlessness, may bring new burdens into a marriage. How good if you then remind yourself again and again: You want to cling to this woman/man. With the Lord's help, you can share your life "for better or for worse."

 ... and the two will become one fleshThe term "flesh" is used in different meanings in the Bible: a) as an expression of physicality or humanity, which is inextricably linked to our life on earth. Examples: “the... More.

This aspect describes the complete oneness in the union of man and woman in marriage, which also includes the physical realm. This point is the consequence of the previous two - both in terms of time and result.

• Becoming one physically in the sexual life of the couple is not a field for experimentation before marriage but belongs in the protected space of marriage.
• This complete oneness of the spouses, also in physical terms, as God intended, requires...
• ... unconditional trust, which is preceded by a public vow of fidelity (leaving father and mother)
• ... the deep conviction: You belong to me, I belong to you, completely and forever, just as you are, with your faults and weaknesses (clinging to his wife).

When Paul speaks in Ephesians of this union of husband and wife in marriage, he calls it a mystery. He says: "This mystery is great," and then applies it to the relationship between Christ and his congregation. A truly happy marriage is one in which "God's instruction manual" for marriage is studied and practiced.

The "healthy" marriage

All three components are essential for a healthy marriage according to God's thoughts:

• Leaving
• clinging
• Becoming one fleshThe term "flesh" is used in different meanings in the Bible: a) as an expression of physicality or humanity, which is inextricably linked to our life on earth. Examples: “the... More

If one part is missing, the marriage becomes "sick.""

The stolen marriage

If the public marriage is missing, as in the case of living together "without a marriage license," you have ultimately "stolen" something without fulfilling the biblical requirement for it. In other words, you are living a life of sinThe Bible carefully differentiates between sin and sins. • Sin: the evil power at work in man that causes him to engage in sinful activities (Rom 7:17, 18). God pronounced... More. This is not a way in which God can bless and give happiness.

The silent marriage

Clinging no longer worksAnother word for deeds or actions. God's works are perfect (Gen 1:31), men's can be good works (Matt 5:16) or dead (Heb 6:1). On the basis of his works, unbelieving... More. You live side by side. They no longer have anything to say to each other. Communication between the couple has fallen silent. Then, there is no real unity. It becomes dangerous for the marriage at the latest when hardships arise, as they do in every marriage. And suppose a person suddenly appears who can respond to the feelings of a spouse. In that case, the marriage is even more jeopardized.

The unfulfilled marriage

Becoming one does not "work," and there are also physical problems between the couple. Then the danger of adultery is great (1 Cor 7:5).

But even problems in a marriage are not "the end." They can be solved with the help of the Lord and perhaps the advice of spiritual brothers and sisters. A new beginning is always possible.

They are simply not true, all the disparaging and spiteful jokes about marriage! Marriage lived according to God's thoughts is and remains the path to a happy life for man and woman. Many Christians can gratefully testify to this.