Question:
How do I recognize whether I have the gift of singleness according to 1 Corinthians 7:7,37? There are some articles on being single, but mostly addressing the question: How can I make the best of this situation, which I did not choose for myself, with the help of the Lord? But what if you are much happier alone? Much better able and willing to carry out your spiritual tasks without a partner? Is that already proof of the gift? How can it be distinguished from a possibly non-spiritual attitude such as: “I would rather lead my own [spiritual] life, be independent—or be dependent only on the Lord”; “I like my job better than being a housewife”; etc.). Does this gift “oblige” us to full-time service in the work of the Lord or to “tentmaking service”? What exactly does the “own will” in 1 Corinthians 7:37 mean? Can I conclude from the presence of this gift that the brother who proposed marriage to me was mistaken about the Lord’s will?
Answer:
It is indeed a topic that is rarely dealt with because it is perhaps rare today for someone to think about not getting married for the reason you mentioned. I also still believe that it is the normal case for a person to get married. After all, Genesis 2 states: “It is not good that a man should be alone” (v. 18). So a gift of grace really is necessary for not marrying in this sense. But how do I recognize it in myself? How do I recognize any gift of grace, e.g., that of a teacher, a shepherd, etc.? The first prerequisite is certainly that I realize what task(s) the Lord has for me. The Lord often places these within my grasp. And when I then start to carry out these tasks, I will realize for myself that the Lord has enabled me to do so. Others will also notice: “Aha, the Lord has enabled him to teach, do shepherding, etc.” You will certainly not do everything perfectly straight away. You will always look back and think how you bungled things when you started. And looking back every few years, it won’t be any different.
The gift of grace to remain unmarried is—like all others—a gift given by the Lord Jesus (cf., for example, Eph. 4:11), even if it is not directly spiritual. It is always personal. Others often notice what a gift of grace you have before you do. It is always something special. But grace and gift are also an obligation. For the gift of grace is given for service and therefore for the benefit and edification of believers (cf. 1 Cor. 12:7; 1 Pet. 4:10), even that of “not marrying.” And even if it does not directly affect the welfare of the Church, it still obliges us to use it in God’s interest.
Now to the specific case: Voluntary singleness—when compared to the gifts of grace mentioned above—has another special focus, which is mentioned in the verse you quoted. It is about the power of abstinence, which does not succumb to the tendency to think about marriage and the constant need for sexual satisfaction. Referring back to verse 9, this is probably the meaning of “one’s own will” in 1 Corinthians 7:37. No one should overestimate their strength here. I advise men, in particular, not to do this because sexual stimuli today mean that almost no one can control themselves in the long term (the best example is the problem of masturbation, which is commonplace today 1). Women should also remain realistic and sober. For women, it is perhaps more the desire to have children than a purely sexual need and the desire for security in a marriage. Despite her general emotional sensitivity, a woman must also try to assess this prudently.
In addition, a real decision of the heart before the Lord is required (v. 37). This includes not spending all of one’s time in this world (in a secular profession) but devoting it to the Lord. This does not necessarily mean taking time off work completely. But your profession will allow you the time to be active for the Lord and your brothers and sisters alongside and beyond it. 1 Corinthians 7:32 shows that through this gift of grace, God creates the conditions for a believer to be more concerned about the things of the Lord than others. One simply has fewer obligations in marriage and family, which gives one the time for more extensive service to the Lord.
Has a man made a mistake in the will of the Lord when he asks a sister who has made such a heartfelt decision? We humans cannot answer that clearly—especially not for others. I know brothers who have asked a sister more than once in vain, and I have the impression that they have gone their way with the Lord according to the light they have and had. It may also be a test in His school that God has for the woman or the man or both. In any case, the man should respect the woman’s decision to say “no” and not force himself on her. In turn, a woman should be clear about whether she can really best carry out her ministry alone or as a wife (e.g., Priscilla). As a wife, her first task is, of course, to be a help to her husband. And, of course, it is generally to be expected that children may also be involved.
As always, there are no one-size-fits-all answers. I think it’s good when younger believers ask themselves this question at all (although it’s all too natural when the desire for marriage comes to the fore). No one should overestimate their strength. But if a sister or brother can control (abstain) himself (1 Cor 7:9), this is perhaps an indication of a way to serve the Lord specially. And this way is under a special promise of blessing (cf. 1 Cor 7:40).
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