And What if There is no Spouse?

Marriage & Family

7

1Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2But because of sexual immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 7Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that.

8But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

10But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife is not to leave her husband 11(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband is not to divorce his wife.

12But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15Yet if the unbelieving one is leaving, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace. 16For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

– 1 Corinthians 7:1-16
(NASB® © 2020)

For most Christians, marriage at a certain age is a matter of course. But what is true for “most” is not valid for everyone. We all know “singles,” people who are not (yet) married. The reasons may be different. Maybe you are one of them and have consciously decided not to get married. Or you may be waiting for the Lord to give you the right spouse.

Single?

I want to start with two important statements:

  1. Singles are not second-class Christians. You don’t have to be married to be a good Christian!
  2. Being single does not mean that you are missing out on the joys of life. You don’t have to be married to be happy!

And yet, listen to what God says in the creation account: “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” (Gen 2:18)

Therefore, it is pretty “normal” for a (young) Christian to want to get married because God designed man and woman to be mutual. In any case, marriage involves responsibility for one’s partner. Anyone who deliberately shirks this responsibility for the sake of convenience must ask themselves if they are not neglecting God’s plan for their lives.

Three points

Paul makes three crucial points in 1 Corinthians 7:

  1. Marital happiness is not a sure-fire success; marriage must be nurtured daily. Married people must devote time and energy to it that is lacking elsewhere (v. 33).
  2. Those who are unmarried have more time for the things of the Lord. In addition to his job and other responsibilities, which we all have, he can concentrate fully on following and serving the Lord (v. 32).
  3. Not getting married requires a special grace because being single means, among other things, being able to control the God-given gift of sexuality and not having to exercise it (v. 9). We must also be able to endure loneliness. Those who cannot do this should marry and not remain single. However, self-control can undoubtedly be learned in the school of God. To be clear, the grace and gift Paul is talking about here is not a “spiritual” gift of grace for a specific ministry (Eph 4:7, 11) but the gift of being able to live alone without despair (v. 7).

Married or Single

Young people who are serious about discipleship and ministry will ask themselves if marriage is God’s way for them.

  • For many, the answer is, I am getting married!
  • For a few, it is I’m not getting married!

There is no right or wrong here. The Bible knows of married couples who were available to the Lord with commitment and devotion. The classic example of this is Aquila and Priscilla. The Bible also knows of singles, though very few, who served the Lord with commitment and dedication. The classic example is Paul.

1 Cor 7 makes it clear that marriage is good and right. God has given it. There is only one spiritual reason not to marry:

“He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.” (1 Cor 7:32)

The unmarried person can devote time and energy to the Lord and His service. In verse 35 Paul speaks of “undivided devotion” to the Lord. On the other hand, the married person will devote some of his time and energy to his marriage and family. Given the brevity of life and the imminence of the Lord’s coming, it is indeed a good option not to marry, if you can keep your sexuality under control and do not want to use your single life for your pleasure but to serve the Lord.

Examples in Church History

There are examples in Church history of men and women who did not marry to serve the Lord without distraction. I will mention three names: Heleen Voorhoeve, Robert C. Chapman, and John N. Darby. All three renounced marriage. In human terms, they could not have served the Lord as well as they did had they been married. Their life stories are worth reading.

Unfortunately, there are also tragic examples of devoted servants of God who were kept from serving the Lord by their marriages. An unfortunate example is the revivalist preacher Charles Wesley. But we also know of spiritual couples who burned together for their Lord. Missionary to China Hudson Taylor and his wife Mary are one example.

And what if…?

What if you want to get married but can’t find the right person? I know this is not an easy situation. Let me give you two pieces of advice:

  1. don’t try desperately to find a partner!
  2. don’t compromise under any circumstances!

It’s better to be single than to be unhappily married!

If you feel that the Lord does not (yet) have a partner for you, give your time and energy to the Lord and His work in the spirit of 1. Corinthians 7.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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