And What if There is no Spouse?
1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Keep Your Marriage Vows
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
(1 Corinthians 7:1-16)
For most Christians, marriage at a certain age is a matter of course. But what is true for "most" is not valid for everyone. We all know "singles," people who are not (yet) married. The reasons may be different. Maybe you are one of them and have consciously decided not to get married. Or you may be waiting for the Lord to give you the right spouse.
Single?
I want to start with two important statements:
- Singles are not second-class Christians. You don't have to be married to be a good Christian!
- Being single does not mean that you are missing out on the joys of life. You don't have to be married to be happy!
And yet, listen to what God says in the creation account: "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'” (Gen 2:18)
Therefore, it is pretty "normal" for a (young) Christian to want to get married because God designed man and woman to be mutual. In any case, marriage involves responsibility for one's partner. Anyone who deliberately shirks this responsibility for the sake of convenience must ask themselves if they are not neglecting God's plan for their lives.
Three points
Paul makes three crucial points in 1 Corinthians 7:
- Marital happiness is not a sure-fire success; marriage must be nurtured daily. Married people must devote time and energy to it that is lacking elsewhere (v. 33).
- Those who are unmarried have more time for the things of the Lord. In addition to his job and other responsibilities, which we all have, he can concentrate fully on following and serving the Lord (v. 32).
- Not getting married requires a special graceTo the one who earns something through performance, the reward is not according to grace but according to debt (Rom. 4:4). Grace is a favor that is not given by... More because being single means, among other things, being able to control the God-given gift of sexuality and not having to exercise it (v. 9). We must also be able to endure loneliness. Those who cannot do this should marry and not remain single. However, self-control can undoubtedly be learned in the school of God. To be clear, the grace and gift Paul is talking about here is not a "spiritual" gift of graceA gift that is given on the basis of grace is a gift of grace. The gift of grace is described in Scripture as Salvation itself (Rom. 5:15; 6:23...); certain... More for a specific ministry (Eph 4:7, 11) but the gift of being able to live alone without despair (v. 7).
Married or Single
Young people who are serious about discipleshipDiscipleship is a commandment of the Lord Jesus for His own (Mk 2:14). In discipleship, we follow the Lord Jesus in obedience; He is our authority. It means sharing His... More and ministry will ask themselves if marriage is God's way for them.
- For many, the answer is, I am getting married!
- For a few, it is I'm not getting married!
There is no right or wrong here. The Bible knows of married couples who were available to the Lord with commitment and devotion. The classic example of this is Aquila and Priscilla. The Bible also knows of singles, though very few, who served the Lord with commitment and dedication. The classic example is Paul.
1 Cor 7 makes it clear that marriage is good and right. God has given it. There is only one spiritual reason not to marry:
“He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.” (1 Cor 7:32)
The unmarried person can devote time and energy to the Lord and His service. In verse 35 Paul speaks of "undivided devotion" to the Lord. On the other hand, the married person will devote some of his time and energy to his marriage and family. Given the brevity of life and the imminence of the Lord's coming, it is indeed a good option not to marry, if you can keep your sexuality under control and do not want to use your single life for your pleasure but to serve the Lord.
Examples in Church History
There are examples in Church history of men and women who did not marry to serve the Lord without distraction. I will mention three names: Heleen Voorhoeve, Robert C. Chapman, and John N. Darby. All three renounced marriage. In human terms, they could not have served the Lord as well as they did had they been married. Their life stories are worth reading.
Unfortunately, there are also tragic examples of devoted servants of God who were kept from serving the Lord by their marriages. An unfortunate example is the revivalist preacher Charles Wesley. But we also know of spiritual couples who burned together for their Lord. Missionary to China Hudson Taylor and his wife Mary are one example.
And what if...?
What if you want to get married but can't find the right person? I know this is not an easy situation. Let me give you two pieces of advice:
- don't try desperately to find a partner!
- don't compromise under any circumstances!
It's better to be single than to be unhappily married!
If you feel that the Lord does not (yet) have a partner for you, give your time and energy to the Lord and His work in the spirit of 1. Corinthians 7.
