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Divorce and Remarriage?

Published since 06. Apr. 2025
Bible passages:
Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:8-9; 1 Corinthians 7:10-15

"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man's wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance." (Deuteronomy 24:1-4)

"But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

"He said to them, 'Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.'" (Matthew 19:8-9)

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace." (1 Corinthians 7:10-15)

The topic of divorce and remarriage is a hot topic among Christians. Opinions differ widely. Some say that divorce and/or remarriage are legitimate under certain conditions and in exceptional cases, while others reject both and regard them as reprehensible in any case. Still, others have little difficulty with frequent separations and multiple marriages. However, there is often still agreement that the lifelong union between a man and a woman is God's binding ideal, which we want to uphold, honor, and put into practice.

Let's take a look at biblical passages that say something about this, one after the other. We start with the Old Testament. We should be aware here that the regulations of the law are aimed at the "man in the flesh," the "first man." We Christians, however, have the full revelation of God's thoughts through the Lord Jesus and belong to Him, the "second man." Therefore, we cannot simply transfer what the law says to us and declare it valid, even though we learn important principles and recognize God's wisdom, goodness, and justice in the commands of the law.

Deuteronomy 24

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.” (Deut 24:1-4)

The Law of Moses deals here with the subject of divorce and remarriage. A few points emerge:

  • Divorce is not ordered or recommended; it is merely stated that there is dismissal.
  • The reason for the dismissal, according to Deuteronomy 24, could only be that the man found something objectionable in the woman that caused her to be disfavored and provoked hatred in the man. A marriage could not be divorced at will.
  • Moses speaks of multiple remarriages. The divorce certificate was there to confirm the dissolution of the marriage in order to make a legal remarriage possible.
  • According to Deuteronomy 24, the released woman was not allowed to return to her first husband if she had married another man. It did not matter whether this new husband had dismissed her or had died.

We see that under the law, dismissal and remarriage within the people of God were possible under certain circumstances, even if it was not recommended. In the case of mixed marriages, however, divorce was commanded (Ezra 9 and 10). Divorce was ruled out if a woman's husband had maliciously denied her virginity or raped her (Deut. 22:19, 29).

In the case of adultery, the law did not provide for divorce, but in principle, the death penalty (Lev 20:10; Deut 22:22). The death penalty was only expressly ordered if two people had sexual intercourse with each other who were each married to another person. If a married person was intimate with an unmarried person, this apparently did not apply, which is understandable in view of the polygamy practiced. It must also be borne in mind that the sin of fornication is difficult to prove, which is underlined by the regulation concerning the waters of jealousy (Numbers 5:11-31). It is, therefore, conceivable that in some cases, a trial in court (and the death penalty) was avoided, and instead, a release was obtained. In any case, Joseph wanted to dismiss his wife secretly (Mt 1:19) after he realized that Mary had not become pregnant by him – although this was, of course, a special case in many respects.

Before we turn to the passages in the New Testament, it should be mentioned that God had given Israel a letter of divorce for adultery.  "And her unfaithful sister Judah saw it; and I saw that in spite of all this, that I had dismissed the apostate Israel because she had committed adultery, and had given her a letter of divorce, yet unfaithful Judah, her sister was not afraid, but went and committed fornication herself" (Jer 3:7, 8). Of course, we are not talking about a literal marriage here, so we must be careful when transferring it. In any case, it is clear that fornication is a very serious matter and can destroy a relationship.

Matthew 5

"But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32).

Deuteronomy 24 mentions the case of a man dismissing a woman with a letter of divorce because he had found something "offensive" in her. Many scribes were generous in their interpretation of what could be considered "offensive." The well-known and liberal Rabbi Hillel, for example, taught that an unpleasant meal was grounds for divorce. However, Moses had given the order that excluded a return to the divorced spouse if a letter of divorce had been written in order to maintain social order and not to make marriage into something non-binding. And there was still a long way to go before everything was in order if a letter of divorce was issued and claimed to have fulfilled the Law of Moses.

The Lord Jesus now brings to light God's full thoughts on this matter. He does not directly oppose the letter of divorce but shows His standard with regard to a dismissal:

  • Whoever dismisses his wife is responsible for her committing adultery. Because she will (very probably) marry another man. And because the original marriage, morally speaking, was not dissolved, this is adultery.
  • But if the woman has committed fornication, no adultery is caused by the man dismissing her. This is because the woman has already committed adultery herself. She has thus laid the foundation for a legitimate dismissal by the man.
  • Whoever marries a dismissed woman commits adultery.

The commentator William Kelly writes on Matthew 5 (Bible Treasury, Volume 3):

"The Lord intimates that, though the most serious difficulties may be present, this human relation is most distinctly recognized by Him. Though it is an earthly relationship, the light of heaven is shed upon it to maintain the sanctity of marriage and the possibility of permitting anything to tarnish that sanctity is rejected by Christ. The only exception is when something is present that has already destroyed the marriage in the eyes of God [1]. In this case, divorce is only a public acknowledgment of the fact that the marriage was already broken in God's eyes by sin."

And further (also Bible Treasury):

"But there may be real grounds [namely, fornication], and in this case, the marriage bond is broken for God. If anyone has the right understanding of what is lawful before the Lord, I think that no one will marry while the guilty partner is still alive. But if it is done, I do not see by what right the assembly should concern themselves with it."

H.A. Ironside notes (in Notes of Matthew):

"When we compare these verses with Matthew 19:9, we see that the marriage, which God ordained for life, was broken by the grievous sin of fornication committed by the husband or wife. This gives the innocent party the freedom to remarry, but according to 1 Corinthians 7, 'in the Lord.' It is folly to suggest, as some have done that this only applies to immoral behavior before marriage that has only come to light afterward (as in Deuteronomy 24:1) but is not applicable when the same sin is committed in marriage. This would mean that disregarding the vow of fidelity is a lesser sin than sexual sins committed while single. The meaning of this passage is clear. The unfaithful husband or wife breaks the bond. The official divorce before the court legalizes the separation, and the innocent person is just as free before God as if a marriage had never taken place."

Matthew 19

In Matthew 19:8-9 we read: "He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”."

Here, the man who divorces his wife of his own free will is described as an adulterer and not, as in Matthew 5, as the one who causes the woman to become an adulteress. It is also quite clear from the context that it is not about engaged couples who break up, which is indeed sometimes claimed (cf. Mt 19:5).

Let's take a closer look at Matthew 19:

  • The dismissal mentioned in the law was a concession to the hard hearts of men. It did not correspond to God's original thoughts, which envisaged a lifelong unity of the spouses, which Moses also wrote at the very beginning.
  • Whoever puts away his wife and marries another woman commits adultery. Only if his wife has committed fornication does this not apply. Then, the man (or, conversely, the woman) can divorce and marry without committing adultery.
  • "Whoever marries a dismissed woman commits adultery." – A dismissed woman who has been divorced in accordance with the aforementioned conditions (i.e., not fornication) may not be married. If a marriage is not terminated for fornication and the man and woman take new spouses, then both commit adultery.

Fornication shakes the marriage to its foundations – and only in this case is the spouse not guilty if they divorce. It is clear that a Christian should rather forgive and give the partner the chance to make a new start, and this should definitely be taken into account. "A Christian," writes Bible commentator Rudolf Brockhaus, "is not acting in the spirit of grace when he files for divorce." The prophet Hosea was even told directly by God to love his adulterous wife (Hos 3:1).

And yet, the Lord allows the betrayed person the option of divorce because it can sometimes be too difficult to endure a state of fornication and irreconcilability in the long term. Divorce is not a recommendation but merely a possibility that is mentioned in a subordinate clause, so to speak. It is an "emergency arrangement" for situations that have gone completely wrong. Unfortunately, the beauty that was given before the fall of man (Gen. 2:24) cannot always be maintained after the fall of man.

At this point, I would like to quote a remark by William Kelly (Bible Treasury, Volume 4):

"Here, the Lord adds something not found in the law, and He places God's thoughts on this relation in the full light. There is only one valid reason for dissolving a marriage: The marriage must already be morally dissolved in order actually to end it. In the case of fornication, the bond is already severed before God [2]. A marital union is incompatible with this sin; the casting out of a wife reveals to others what has already taken place in the eyes of the Lord. Everything is made clear ... It had already become so common to put away a wife for all kinds of flimsy reasons that even the disciples were shocked to hear from the Lord about the indissolubility of marriage."

In Mark 10:11.12 and Luke 16:18, we also find statements from our Lord on the question of dismissal. The exception ("not for fornication") is not mentioned there. This is understandable because Mark and Luke also do not mention the Pharisees' question as to whether a woman can be dismissed for any reason (see Matt 19:3). In Mark and Luke, the great principle is simply presented: Marriage is for life. This principle should be firmly memorized and should not turn an exception into a rule.

1 Corinthians 7

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:10,11).

The principle is that marriage is for life. Divorce and dismissal are not intended. And anyone who is divorced should either remain unmarried or seek reconciliation and restore the marriage. Here (and also in other places, such as Romans 7), Paul does not touch on the exception that there can be a legitimate divorce on the grounds of fornication. He is obviously not concerned at all with divorce on the grounds of fornication. Otherwise, he would not only have spoken of "reconciling" but also of repentance and confession. Moreover, in the previous passage, he clearly shows how to avoid fornication (1 Cor 7:2, 5).

If an exception is not mentioned in a passage, this does not mean that there is no exception. An example of this is Romans 14, where Paul says that Christians may eat anything because everything is clean (Rom 14:14). He does not mention that blood and anything strangled are forbidden (cf. Acts 15). He does not want to deal with these exceptions here but rather shows the principle: A Christian, unlike a Jew, may eat anything. Or let us think of 1 Corinthians 7:2: "But for the sake of fornication, let each one have his own wife, and let each one have her own husband." If you take this on its own, you might think that everyone must marry. But of course this is not the case.

It is made clear by 1 Corinthians 7:10: If you are divorced because of something other than fornication, you must remain unmarried. If you are divorced because of your own fornication, then this must apply all the more. Whoever provides the reason for the divorce through fornication cannot possibly be "rewarded" with a new marriage. Otherwise, you would only have to fornicate to get rid of the bond of marriage! Anyone who has been divorced due to their own fornication or who is divorced, even though the spouses have not entered into a new relationship, must remain unmarried.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:12: "If a brother has an unbelieving wife, and she agrees to live with him, let him not put her away." Paul shows here that in Christianity, in contrast to Judaism, a marriage should not be divorced because one person belongs to God's people and another does not. And yet these words also make it clear that there can be a dismissal under certain conditions (namely, if the unbelieving partner does not agree to stay with the partner who has found a living faith in Christ).

Paul goes on to write: "But if the unbeliever separates, let him separate. The brother or sister is not bound in such cases" (1 Cor 7:15). If a separation (including divorce) is "pushed through" by the unbelieving side, the believer does not have to want to hold on to the old union desperately. She can, may, and should accept this separation as a fact. But this "not being bound" perhaps goes even further and could also include the freedom to remarry (cf. also Romans 7:3). It should be noted that this only concerns the case where two unbelieving people marry, and one of them later comes to faith and the unbeliever does not want to maintain the marriage.

Now to 1 Corinthians 7:27, 28: "If you are bound to one wife, do not seek to be free; if you are free from one wife, do not seek a wife. But if you also marry, you have not sinned; and if the virgin marries, she has not sinned; but such will have tribulation in the flesh, but I spare you." Do these verses not also speak of remarriage? Because being free could mean that a bond no longer exists. (Literally, it says loosed; the perfect tense is used, which describes an action that happened in the past). Then, "you are free from a wife" would refer to someone who was once married. If such a person marries, he does not sin (if certain conditions are met). Immediately afterward, the "virgin" is also mentioned: that's those who have never been married. These also do not sin (in principle) when they take this step into marriage. However, we can also remember that Paul is addressing men and women separately in these verses.

In 1 Corinthians 7:39, we read: "A woman is bound as long as her husband lives; but if the husband has fallen asleep, she is free to marry whomever she wishes, only in the Lord." The exception of fornication is not dealt with here either. It was obviously not what the Corinthians were concerned about; moreover, the Lord Jesus had already given instructions on this.

Preliminary summary

Well, if there can be a legal divorce, then I think there must also be a legal remarriage for the person who is not responsible for the breakdown of the marriage. If someone nevertheless waits for the marriage to get back on track and remains unmarried, that may be appropriate and commendable. That the marriage of a divorced person has a different character than the marriage of a virgin is shown by passages such as Leviticus 21:7, 14 and Ezekiel 44:22, from which one can also draw certain lessons as a Christian.

Let us now look at some specific questions that are repeatedly discussed in this context.

Forever one flesh?

There are some Christians who say that divorce is not only wrong but also impossible. According to this teaching, man and woman remain one flesh as long as they live on earth. Even a divorce and a new marriage supposedly do not change this. But here we are, confusing what should not be with what can be.

If two people always remained one flesh, the woman released under the law would have had to return to her first husband. But that was not permitted at all, as we saw in Deuteronomy 24. And Jeremiah 3:1 also says this quite clearly.

Moreover, in the case of divorce and remarriage, one would have to strive to restore the old union and thus destroy the new marriage. It is unthinkable that this is in God's thoughts!

In John 4:17, 18, the Lord says to the woman at Jacob's well: "You have said rightly, 'I have no husband, for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.'" The Lord says that she has had five husbands, whereas now she has a "concubinage." The Lord does not say that she had only had one husband. But that would have been mandatory if you remained "one flesh" forever with a person you have married. It is clear: when two people say "I do" to each other, God joins them together in marriage, and they are one flesh (Mt 19:6) – even if it happens under circumstances that God disapproves of.

There is a notable example from Scripture where an existing marriage was destroyed in order to restore an original marriage: David married Michal, Saul's daughter (1 Sam. 18:20, 27). Michal loved David and saved him from her father (1 Sam 19). However, when David was on the run, Michal was given to another man (1 Sam 25:43, 44). Then David became king – and had his former wife brought back (2 Sam 3:14-16). What was the result? Paltiel, Michal's new husband, wept bitterly. And the relationship between Michal and David was nothing like before. Michal no longer loved David but despised and mocked him (2 Sam 6:16, 20). Significantly, their marriage remained childless (2 Sam 6:23). In short, none of this was under God's blessing. And if something like this were to happen today, the blessing would certainly be missing, too.

Joined together by God?

Sometimes, people want to justify a separation as follows: "My marriage was not according to God's thoughts because, as a believer, I married an unbeliever. I married in my own way. God did not put the marriage together – and therefore, it can now be dissolved or annulled." However, this kind of argument is futile. Marriage is an institution that has been instituted by God, and anyone who makes use of it is joined together by God. If a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife – then the two will become one flesh (Mark 10:8). This is what the Creator has ordained. Whoever marries is joined together by God. Whether God brought the couple together is another matter and has nothing to do with it.

Without a marriage certificate?

Unfortunately, nowadays, it is often the case that two people live together for years without a marriage certificate and often have children [3]. Let's assume that after a few years, the man says: "We were never married, so separation is not a problem. I'm not getting divorced." And so he leaves his partner (and the children) without a second thought.

I don't think it's that simple because the three points from Genesis 2:24 were largely fulfilled: Father and mother were left, the wife was attached, and the two became one flesh. Even if they in fact did not get married legally, such a close relationship cannot simply be abandoned without further ado. It is not as clear here as it would be if there were a marriage. Still, suppose two people live like a married couple (although, on the other hand, it must simply be described as fornication). In that case, this cannot simply be ignored, especially if there are children in this relationship.

Lifelong adultery?

It is said: "Marrying a divorcee is adultery. Whoever lives in such a union lives in permanent adultery. Accordingly, church discipline (putting out of fellowship) is to be carried out, and a correspondingly rejecting behavior towards that person is to be demonstrated. And this as long as the marriage lasts."

But there is a problem: if the marriage is permanent adultery, but the divorce of the new union is also a great sin – then the person in question can never come out of the state of sin again. That is unthinkable! What is to be done? There must be sincere repentance for the sins of the past, and from now on, one should "sin no more" (John 8:11). There must be a removal of discipline and a genuine restoration. It cannot be denied that disorder in marriage and family life imposes a certain restraint in the exercise of spiritual activities (following 1 Tim 3:2).

Two old letters

Finally, I would like to quote two old letters by J.N. Darby on this subject. J.N. Darby was an outstanding Bible teacher whose opinion may count for something, even if it is, of course, not binding or comes close to the opinion of Paul. But let's take a look at the letters.

A word about the background of the first letter: An unconverted woman who has a child is left by her unconverted husband, and the husband marries someone else. The woman also marries a man and is happy with him. She comes to faith and wants to take part in the breaking of bread. How is this case to be judged?

Darby writes (Letters, vol. 1, p. 347):

"I think the assembly must accept her as they find her at her conversion. I think that I would certainly accept a heathen who has been married and divorced, who has experienced all sorts of things, and is married again, and afterward converted and baptized, as I meet him. I see the man's actions as dissolving the marriage bond (Mt 19:9) and think that the assembly must accept the person as they find him at conversion. The only question in this context is the state of her conscience when she was last married. Did she consider herself free or as if she had committed a sin? That may have a bearing on the present state of her conscience. But I consider her married to her current spouse for the assembly. However, it behooves her to go on her way with appropriate humility."

Then there is another letter that goes deeper into the subject (J.N. Darby: Letters, vol. 2, p. 130):

"When I said that the bond was broken, I meant that God did not permit Christians to break the bond; but if adultery had been committed, the adulterer had broken the bond, and the Lord conceded to the other side to regard it as broken, and to act upon it by a formal divorce. He did not require it, but He allowed it. This legalization is submitted to the authorities in charge of general order, just as was the case with divorce under Jewish law.

In many parts of the United States, such as Illinois, morality is so loose that Christians have to be very tight. The fact that someone has run away and been absent for a time is not enough for a divorce, as they can come back, and the bond is not broken. The courts in England would not find someone who remarries guilty of bigamy if their partner has stayed away for more than seven years.

On the other hand, according to 1 Corinthians 7, I cannot doubt that Christians who the unbelieving partner obviously abandoned were free in every respect, that is, free to marry, but this assumes a willful abandonment by the one who left. Christians were never allowed to do this. But if he was forced to leave his partner, he was to remain unmarried or return. Romans 7:3 has nothing to do with this, I think. It's about belonging to another man (not being married to him) while the marriage bond exists. Then, the woman is guilty of adultery, but not if the spouse has died. There is no mention here of official divorce but of sinful acts while the marriage still exists. That is clear. Mark 10 does not invalidate Matthew 19; the man's sending away of the wife is seen as a willful act. If he puts her away, he has broken a bond created by God through his own will. If he remarries, he commits adultery. This sinful act severs the bond, and a legal divorce is permitted. If all this took place before conversion, I would accept the case as I find it. But if there is only talk of running away, if the person who has remarried is a Christian, I would find it difficult to regard that marriage as having been made in the Lord. Is there evidence of infidelity? If so, let them seek an official divorce. After that, they are free to remarry.

But if that does not happen, I cannot accept them doing their own will as well as unbelievers. Such a marriage is then not in the Lord. Even widows are said to be 'in the Lord alone.'

To me, Matthew 5 is as clear as Matthew 19, but I mean that the person must be officially divorced; otherwise, they will remain married under the law, and a new union is a concubinage. Forgiveness is allowed in all cases."

Final thoughts

Marriage is for life. This is the great principle of Holy Scripture. Marriage between a man and a woman is a picture of the unbreakable bond between Christ and his Assembly (Eph 5). A frivolous approach to the commitment of marriage is not to be found in either the Old Testament or the New Testament. The Lord Jesus only allows divorce in cases of fornication. The Christian, however, is called to peace and reconciliation.

If a marriage has been divorced due to adultery, then, in my perspective, the "innocent" partner has the opportunity to enter into a new marital union. The partner who is guilty of adultery naturally does not have this opportunity.

Anyone who categorically rejects divorce and remarriage, even in the most complicated circumstances, and always calls for church discipline in these cases should remember that marriage was given to man for a blessing. With regard to the Sabbath, the Lord said that the Sabbath was made for the sake of man and not man for the sake of the Sabbath (Mark 2:27). And so marriage was also made for the sake of man and not man for the sake of marriage. This should be taken into account when dealing with difficult cases. We should be careful not to lose sight of the individual and to insist on principles and practices that we cannot justify down to the last detail with the Bible.

However, it also remains true that divorce and remarriage are only possible in justified exceptional cases. This is also made clear by the fact that the Bible does not even consider divorce, let alone remarriage, when it talks about this topic. Especially in our time, it is important to emphasize this: Marriage is for life.

________________________________________

Footnotes:

[1] the formulation that the marriage was destroyed by fornication is certainly not very happy. That would mean that one must divorce. This is not in the sense of Scripture and also does not correspond to the thoughts of the interpreters quoted here. The German term "Ehebruch" ("adultery") leads one to think that the marriage is broken, but this is not actually the case. It is about fornication, which shatters the marriage and can lead to divorce.

[2] See the previous footnote.

[3] It is clear that this situation must not be allowed to continue and should be ended quickly by a legal marriage before the registrar.

 

 

 

 

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