Be fruitful and multiply
God established marriage because He knew it was not good for man to be alone (see Genesis 2:18). In this respect, marriage is a great gift from God to humankind, regardless of whether there are children in a marriage. We can gratefully accept a spouse from God’s hand and find deep happiness and genuine joy in a good marriage. This also includes sexuality, quite independently of the question of children. It too is a gift from the Creator and may be enjoyed in marriage for the joy of both spouses.
When God placed Eve at Adam’s side, He had more in mind than “just” that Adam should not be alone. According to God’s plan, the family is also inseparably linked to marriage. This can be easily seen from His words, “Be fruitful” (Genesis 1:28). At the same time, the following words, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it,” imply that God has in mind several children when it comes to the family.
Children are a blessing from God
Fundamentally, children are a blessing. This can also be seen in Genesis 1:28, which begins with the words, “And God blessed them.” Psalm 127:3 should also be understood in this sense: Solomon says that the fruit of the womb is a reward.
This does not mean that a marriage that remains childless because God does not give children is not blessed by God. Even without children, one can experience God’s blessing in marriage and also be a channel of blessing for others.
In the context of this article, however, it is important to note that according to God’s thinking, children are not a burden, but a blessing, a reward, and a gift, even if this is often seen quite differently in the society in which we live. We want to maintain this view of children and the family and not conform to the world’s thinking and attitudes (see Romans 12:2).
Blessing also means responsibility
According to God’s plan, every blessing and every gift also brings responsibility. And to fulfill that responsibility, strength and wisdom are needed.
Children must be cared for, brought up (see Eph 6:4), prepared for life on this earth, and brought to the Lord Jesus.
This is probably the most beautiful and important task in raising children: to introduce them to the Lord Jesus and lead them to Him.
When God gives us a task and responsibility, He also gives us the help we need to fulfill that task. And yet we need strength and wisdom, and we want to move forward with trust in God on the one hand, and a good sense of spiritual responsibility on the other. In connection with the question of family planning, we will certainly consider whether we have the necessary strength and health to have (more) children. The Lord will give us the right balance between trusting in God without little faith on the one hand and caution without overestimating ourselves on the other, if we go to Him and ask Him for wisdom in this matter (see James 1:5).
There are possible and impossible methods
As we move along the path to marriage, God will also help us with family planning and reveal His thoughts to us. He will give the spouses peace to make a decision, and in doing so, they may show mutual consideration for one another and should be able to wait until a unanimous result has become clear.
But then, of course, the question arises: how should this be implemented in practice? It is good to know that ultimately everything is in God’s hands, who alone is able to give life. That is why we gladly leave Him “room for maneuver” and trust that He will do what is good and right.
As far as our responsibility is concerned, there are many ways to influence family planning. Unfortunately, some methods are common and taken for granted in the world around us, but which ultimately kill life that has already been created. Such methods are out of the question for a God-fearing Christian, because he knows that according to God’s thinking, life begins at conception (see Psalm 139:13-16).
Not only is the topic of “contraception” part of family planning, but so is the (as yet) unfulfilled desire to have children. Again, there are many options, but even in this area, there are methods beyond what is acceptable to a God-fearing Christian. At the latest, when other people besides the spouses who want children are to take action (e.g., sperm donors, surrogate mothers), a line is clearly crossed that should not be crossed.
As with the general question of family planning, the Lord will also give peace and tranquility when we ask Him whether a particular method is acceptable. Even if a married couple cannot have children at all (e.g., for health reasons), although they desperately want them, the Lord can give them peace and tranquility. The Lord also knows these hardships (see Gen. 16:1 ff.; Gen. 25:21; 1 Sam. 1:2, 10; Judges 13:2; Luke 1:7, 13).
There are good and bad motivations
In all our considerations, it also helps to ask ourselves what our inner motivation is for thinking about family planning.
It is good for a married couple to take time to grow together, get to know each other well, and enter into the situation of raising children with “peace of mind.” On the other hand, it is not good if, for selfish reasons, they do not want children at first, for example, in order to experience more, travel together, or pursue a career. These motives contradict God’s command to be fruitful and multiply.
It is good to consider the strengths of the wife and mother in particular. As men, we should be careful not to overburden our wives. But if there is no strength or energy left for children because the husband or wife invests all their energy in their professional career, then we lose the Lord’s approval.
Ultimately, the Lord Himself judges our motives; He knows them even better than we do ourselves. Therefore, let us be honest with ourselves and also be willing to recognize and do God’s will in the matter of family planning. As outsiders, let us exercise great caution and restraint to avoid hurting or pressuring (young) married couples.
When asked, we want to be ready to give good advice based on God’s Word. But it is and remains a personal question that every married couple will answer before and with their Lord. Outsiders can pray that the Lord’s will be recognized and lived out.
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